Teen Angst?

Life. Sucks.
I mean, I know that probably makes me sound like the biggest teenager ever, but it's true. This is basically a bitch session about everything wrong with my life.

First off, the most obvious, my health. I mean, hell. I can't do anything without being affected by it. I know a lot of people are like this, but I'm 17 and really just want to be able to feel like it. Even just every once in a while would be nice. But no. I'm in pain every second of every day. Take drugs? Why? They incapacitate me too. But which ones the lesser of two evils, the pain or the drugged haze? Like honestly. I can't even get through high school without my health effing it up for me. I'm falling back a year because of it. How shameful is that? Like, ooh, I can't graduate on time because I'm a cripple. Like I want to draw even more attention to myself.

And like, what is with my inability to be in a healthy relationship? I can't even find someone in person. Am I that horrible of a person? That I have to go looking on the internet for guys? And obviously that hasn't worked out in my favor. And then they have to come back into my life and rub salt in the wound, usually as soon as I've gotten over them.

I don't really understand what I'm doing wrong. Obviously something, or shit wouldn't be like this. Like I said, this is basically just a bitch session, and I hope all you readers don't think less of me because of this post.

P.S. I'm not sure if I'm gonna keep this blogging thing up for much longer.

Anyway. Deuces.

So. It's been a really long time. I know. So much has happened since the last time I've posted. So, so much. Bonds have been made, bonds have been broken, and bonds have been healed. I won't name names, but some people I'm glad to have in my life, some I'm not, and some I don't even deal with anymore.

I'm still behind in school, but I have something to motivate me to try a little harder, a.k.a. going back to public school in the fall. I honestly can't wait to go back, and get a fresh start at Wasilla. Warriors represent? Maybe.

Health-wise, I've been doing alright. Me messing with the meds probably caused the flare I'm in...but that's neither here nor there. We can't change the past. So we've DC'ed the Remicade, and started a new one, Tusilsomthingimab. I've only had one go around, so we'll see if it helps more than the Remicade did. Although the new med is every 2 weeks, I think we can handle it. I've done infusions closer together than that. When its the new med by itself its only an hour long, and every other week my IVIG is added on. I really hope it works, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Well, I'm gonna wrap it up here, because I am about to pass out from serious lack of sleep. But before I go, guess who won prom queen? Me.

See ya, suckaaasss.<3

Wow. Life's been so exciting lately.
Where to start, where to start? Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

Bad news it is. I quit my meds. Again. Should I give you a few minutes to let the steam from your ears dissipate into the atmosphere? Spare me the lecture, please. I know what I did was wrong. I'm still paying for it. So let's move on. Because of me messing with my meds, Dr. Wallace decided that since I didn't, you know, die while I was off of them, I guess she figured, "Hey, maybe she doesn't need all of these." So now I'm on Cellcept and Prozac. Well, that and my infusion meds, but those ain't no big thang.

So that basically concludes my bad news. Now for the good?
I have become a normal teenager. I know, we didn't know it was possible either. But it happened. And it definitely has it's ups and downs.

Up: Driving. Yep. This is a formal notice to all Alaskans, I am wreaking havoc on the roads. Watch out!

Down: Drama. Family drama, friend drama, boy drama...It's all a part of life, right? Bah. Drama is way overrated...

Oh yeah! Finally got my eye surgery done! Woo hoo! I can't read any better, but things aren't as hazy. I go into the opthamologist tomorrow, so maybe next time you see me I'll be wearing a pair of sexy glasses!
My left elbow has decided to be a jerk and start hurting. Doc Wallace says surgery's the only option. Matching scars? Why not!

That's about all I can think of right this second.
Stay classy, San Diego.