I hate my life sometimes. Can anyone guess why? Yep, I am in the freaking hospital on my birthday. Of course. The one day of the year I don't want to be in here (not that I want to spend ANY in here, but I mean, come ON!!! my BIRTHDAY?!?!) How much crueler can the world be (notice I haven't brought Him into my angry conversation)? Well, three major things, then I will post when we know more. And just to clarify, I haven't been neglecting you, there just hasn't been anything to post. Now there is.

Thing # 1: We came in for a blood draw, hoping for the best, but expecting the worst, and setting somewhere in between. First the little rat bugger wouldn't draw......as usual. Then they did a peripheral stick, there wasn't even a flash. Then they TPAed the line, and this once (we've done it five other times) it helped. So they drew, and then my numbers came back waaaay bad.

Thing # 2: They redid my line. One would think they would read my chart and find out that both the sedation meds they had set up for me don't do a darned thing, but NNNOOOOOO!!! Can anyone guess what happened? Just like the last time they used them, they DIDN'T WORK, and so therefore (DUH!!!) they didn't work THIS TIME!!! Now, if we put 2 and 2 together, we figure out that just like when they placed the PICC line in, I felt the whole procedure! Can you say OOOUUUUCCHH??!?!?!?!?!?!

Thing # 3: This is a prime example of saving the best (if you think of it in the way I am) for last:
They apparently have found a preliminary donor for me. This means, for those of you out there who are a little slow, that they found me a donor match, and I could possibly get a transplant. It would be quite a while before any balls would roll, but it would mean some marbles would move. First I have to been as healthy as I can, meaning no more infections or whatever. Oh, and the difference between a preliminary donor and an official donor is that yes, it's a match, but that is just from the list. We don't know if they are still healthy, still willing, or even (I know this sounds odd, but it's not impossible!) if they're still alive! So, they are looking into it, and then they're going to get back to us. I am still having mixed feelings about it. There is a twenty percent chance I could die from my disease (which I was unaware of until now), but there is a twenty percent chance that this transplant could kill me. Here's why I'm still kind of stuck: there is an UP TO 50% CHANCE that I could get Graft VS. Host (GVH) disease, which is where the host (me) rejects the cell (grafts, I guess). But they do have treatments for it. If the mortality percentage is the same both ways, and there is a good chance going through with it would put me into remission (not near as good a chance, but may also cure me).

Well, now that I've gotten that all out in the open, I am going to go enjoy my birthday (you do not want to hear my tone of voice right now, trust me). HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!